35 pieces of advice for 35 years on this planet, perhaps to a younger me
For each piece of advice you think about applying, also think about if the opposite advice would better apply to you.
Move your body. Wiggle, dance, run, jump, swim. The body is very trainable; train it for living well.
Practice thankfulness. I like being explicitly thankful before main meals and before bed, but the timing does not seem important.
Write down your thoughts.
Revisit those thoughts.
Realize that you are not your opinions. You can hold ideas and play with them without them being you or your identity.
Would you notice if there were an airplane overhead? If you had a knot in your back, would you be aware of it? If your girlfriend was unhappy, would you know before she told you? The advice here is to work on your awareness. You will be surprised how many places it helps.
Stay connected to humans. Humans are social creatures and even for the introverted having both shallow and deep friendship is Good. Experiences are best. Conversations are great. Video chats are okay. Texting is acceptable.
Excellence is brought about from consistent repeated action with a high quality bar and an eye towards improvement.
Exponential growth is exceptionally powerful: money investments, self improvements, friendships, community building.
There is truth in “you are what you eat”. Your environment affects you. The food you consume, the information you take in, the people you interact with — they all rub off on you. If you wish to cultivate different things in your life, pay attention to what you’re feeding yourself.
Give others the benefit of the doubt; especially those with whom you have relationships. Interpret their words and actions charitably.
We are all big babies sometimes. Sometimes we are stressed because we are hungry or tired or scared or not feeling loved. It’s not the goal to treat other adults like babies, but sometimes I admit it is very effective at improving the situation.
Good relationships (and sex) come from attending well. Pay attention to your partner. Drop any idea of performance and just see what you notice.
Rituals and traditions aren’t working for you? Modify them! Make them your own.
You can extract both truth and value out of wrong things, ideas, people. Sometimes a posture of “what could I take from this?” or “how could I grow from this?” is a useful one.
There is a kind of embarrassment that is Good. Do not make a continuous fool of yourself for the same thing, but do continuously make a fool of yourself.
Ask more questions. A good question is a gift, both for them and for yourself.
For someone like you, I recommend biasing towards sharing more of your True Thoughts. Yes it’s less strategic and you will give up the ability to be accepted in more circles and fit in, but you will gain so much more by saying what you think.
Be aware of the games you are playing. There are obvious status ones you will easily ignore, but there are many subtle assumptions we build our lives upon. You can (most often) choose which games you play.
Make your home beautiful. See advice #11. Treat any place you live for more than a week as your home.
You are your own home. Treat your mind and body accordingly.
You are full of biases. No way around it. Appreciate them for when they serve you and do your best to recognize when they do not. Useful but limited.
Do not make moral judgement of someone’s circumstance. Probably better to not judge at all.
“It’s all about the deltas.” A lot of life is about the difference between two things. “Comparison is the thief of joy” and “be thankful” both point at this. Comparison is the thief of joy talks about how you (in a good position) can make yourself miserable by comparing yourself to something (perceived better). Your experience is differential. Compare and contrast this with being thankful, which is taking the same effect, but noticing the difference between your life and what it could be in a worse situation, and bringing yourself joy by setting up the comparison in the good direction.
Managing expectations is often useful. I don’t recommend living in this mindset always, but it’s a very practical tool for interacting with others. It’s a skill worth practicing.
Flirt! Evoke feelings of playful excitement and (optionally) potential romantic or sexual interest in others. Witness them and let them know that they have been witnessed!
In the explore/exploit trade off, do a little more exploring.
When exploring, I encourage you to open yourself up, but to not allow yourself to be converted in a moment. Have some epistemic friction, you do not want to get “one-shot” by an idea virus.
If called a robot, do not listen! You FEEL SO DEEPLY and you know it. Having a naturally stoic exterior does not deny a rich inner experience! (And to be more clear, you can and should listen to ideas about sharing said rich inner experience, but I’m trying to say don’t take it to heart… don’t believe a lie about yourself.)
Friction is not bad. Without friction, there would be no changing directions. Instead think about the types of friction in your life and the size of their effects on you. There is death by a thousand cuts, there can be too much static friction, and there can be the joy of iron sharpening iron and of sandpaper smoothing wood.
Call your mom.
Try asking for what you want. People want to feel helpful and useful, and you’re more likely to under-ask than to ask too much of others (or in ways that would be unappreciated).
Focus on what you want to see more of in the world. Joke about the outcomes you want to see.
You might not yet have the ears to hear [insert piece of wisdom]. I would tell young Alex: be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Seek the answers, wrestle with them and yearn. Spar and sharpen yourself! I know it is frustrating, not knowing. Do so with as much patience as you can muster. Stay talking to those who engage with you, who will entertain your ideas, looking where you look, even when (especially when) they aren’t as bothered by them as you.